Location: Cranberry bogs, Cape Cod MA, United States

"I used to be a reporter too ..."

27 February 2005

Stonehill College to change Nickname

To:, Subject: Stonehill College to change Nickname Sent: Sunday, February 27, 2005 9:05 PM
So -- according to today's Sunday Globe South Edition -- the US Commission on Civil Rights wants Stonehill College to end the use of its nickname, "The Chieftains." (The Government will allow Stonehill to continue using the colours purple and white, however.)

If Scottsdale AZ Community College can have its "Fighting Artichokes," then Stonehill College ought to be able to be equally as original. Something a little more zippy than "The Shovelmakers." (Shovelmakers might, in the words of the Civil Rights Commission, "mock and trivialize" the manual workers who built those shovels, and the fortune, for the Ames Family.

After reading several recent issues of the Stonehill student newspaper, I offer a few suggestions in keeping with the new wave of diversity reportedly sweeping through those peaceful acres in North Easton.

1 For the Gay Pride group -- "The Purple People Eaters."
2 For the hip hop crowd and the rappers, and in keeping with the outdoor implement theme -- "The Stonehill Hoes" for the womens teams, and the "Stonehill Spades" for the hoopsters.
3 For the bawdy English Lit majors -- "The Stonehill Rakes."
4 For the History Majors -- "The Teapot Domes" (Check it out, dudes.)
5 For the Caucasian students -- "The Stonehill White Storm" (screw the purple, it's a little foppish anyway.)
6 For the Business Administration majors -- Lease the damn naming rights to Levitra and Stonehill could boast of "always being up for the game."
7 For the Graphic Arts majors -- a suitable mascot to go with Levitra !!!!!!!!! (For help coordinate with Group 1, above.)

Please send smoke signals when (a) a new Pope is elected, or (b) the name Chieftains is given the tomahawk chop and a new name is chosen.

Best wishes from your loyal Globe reader .. The Cranberry Bog Fox

(PS: Dont forget to wear your hat in winter to keep your wig warm.)


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